ShyDeanna's blog post - Being a man is getting in the way

I enjoy playing baseball, lifting things, checking out women, drinking with the guys, and just being myself. The hard thing is that I want to be Deanna a little more than I am. I don't necessarily want to be a woman full time as this would completely change my life and I do enjoy being who I am. Unless, of course, I meet some hot guy who is filthy rich and wants me to be his live in cross dressing lover! Being my normal self is really getting in the way of dressing as a woman and meeting men like I want to do. I got an ankle chain in the mail yesterday and I couldn't wait to try it on. When my wife was in the shower I tried it on and it felt so good. I really wanted to put nylons on with it over them and put high heels on to get the full feeling of enjoyment, but I couldn't. I haven't been able to keep my legs as shaved as I want to and now I have a skinned up knee from playing baseball so my favorite assets are not as good as they can be. When I see a girl I think is hot I do check them out, but then I look at how they are dressed, how they are wearing their hair, and I see other guys checking them out and wish I was her. I've grown used to this duality, but the longer the feminine side is locked up the more desire I will have to fulfill the fantasies within.

I don't mind the dual life at all and I'm looking forward to exploring a bisexual side as myself with someone soon and getting that pleasure and hopefully "sharing it with Deanna" if that makes sense. I almost feel guilty that the first thing I thought of when my wife told me she was going on a cruise next year with a friend was that I would be able to dress up all week long and maybe sneak out a few times. The one thing that keeps me going is that at least I have been able to explore this side of myself in more depth and have been able to fully dress a lot and while I don't feel passable I have been out in public and felt that rush of being checked out (and desire more of it!).