ShyDeanna's blog post - Nothing has changed (and that's the problem)

I'm amazed at how far I have come (is that a great way to start a blog entry or what?) since decided to jump into dressing more than just an article of clothing here and there. In the last few years I've bought not only pantyhose (too many pairs to count), dresses, but also gaffs (panties designed for men), breast forms, bras, wigs, makeup kits, shoes, and more. I've enjoyed dressing up and posting my pictures online, getting naked for men, and even doing a few jerk-off sessions on Chaturbate.

I've gone from wanting to just dress up as a woman to wanting to be with a man sexually. I've finally admitted to myself that my dressing is pretty much sexual although I do enjoy the inner feeling of presenting myself dressed up. I've realized that at this point in my life I really don't want to be a woman full time nor do I want to be in dress other than a few days a month even though I crave it daily. A lot of this has to do with being married and having a job where I'm expected to be a man. While part of me wants to tell my wife and continue on my path to see how far I want to go as Deanna part of me enjoys the life I have and that temptation on the side.

I've been very selective and careful with potentially having sex with a guy. I've met DOZENS of eager and nearby men who have offered to put up hotels and come over to see me, but I'm nervous of getting caught, robbed, or worse yet; getting a disease. I'm also not attracted to men other than cocks. I have no desire to kiss a man although in the heat of the action Deanna will probably take cruise control over me, but I am dying inside for not being able to enjoy a nice solid dick in my mouth and hands as well as my ass.

I don't want to lower my expectations, but I'm realizing more and more that I just really want to experience being with a man to decide what I want out of Deanna moving forward. I wish I would have had so many choices like this with meeting women over the years and I don't know why I'm being so overly cautious about things. A part of me has also moved beyond dressing up to want to be with a man and I have become willing to engage in acts with men while not dressed as Deanna. The only thing I want to avoid is getting involved with someone who is gay and may develop feelings or want a relationship. I suppose the same could happen when I'm dressed as Deanna and the thought of having a boyfriend is intoxicating and I guess I'll never know until the flesh meets flesh!!