But not this century. That's how long it's been since I've had sex with anyone other than my hand. I've begun to think that many men turn to being gay or bisexual just to have some contact with another human being. And it gets more difficult as we get older. Few young men want anything to do with an older man who has a beer belly or doesn't have a slim body with no wrinkles. The older men quite often have a hard time getting an erection. Is that why many older men turn to being bottoms?

"It's all a bunch of poop."

I fell in love, or lust, with a cute young country girl from Texas about 2 years after returning from my time in Asia. She was a great fuck until we married, then about once a month she would "give me some pussy" as she said it. 22 years old and only getting it once a month just didn't cut it. We drifted apart, which was especially difficult since I was stationed in Germany and we had to stay in the same housing. She wanted someone who made more money that I would ever do in the Army, and found him. Most nights she was gone with him and would come home late, shower, and fall asleep in a separate bed. I was looking for someone, but being naturally shy, it was a dead end.

One night when she was out with her bf, I had picked up one of the men's magazines, I believe it was a Hustler. I love to read, so I did read a couple of articles, look at a few pictures and had a hardon. Then I got to an article written about a swinger's club in San Francisco. This was around 1974, long before AIDS. The writer talked about watching folks going at in different rooms of the club, mostly male on female but a couple of women going lickety-split. Then he wrote about going up a flight of stairs. About halfway up, there were 2 men facing down the stairs, with the man sitting on the bottom with his hard cock up the ass of the one on top. As he watched, the one on top turned around to face his fucker without ever disengaging from that hard cock, then went right back to bouncing on it. I had never dreamed of anything like that. It made me more horny than anything I had ever read or seen or thought about. I was stroking, my dick was harder than Superman's belt buckle, and when I came, it shot almost to the ceiling. I had never had such an intense orgasm. All these years later I haven't figured out whether I wanted to be the fucker or the fuckee.

Back 50 years ago, I was in the Army and stationed somewhere in Southeast Asia. All of the larger towns had areas of bars that catered to the GIs and they all had what we could call sex workers. In a couple of areas, there were just a few bars that had young men who were effeminate, wearing extravagant makeup, long hair, painted nails. They were what we would now call femboys, long before they started to get implants and trying to look like women, and some were beautiful. As my friends and I walked along the street, I sometimes wanted to go into one of those bars, but that wasn't something a man would do, so I didn't. I've often wondered how many of my fellow soldiers wanted to see what was offered but wouldn't do it because of the stigma of being seen as a faggot. I now wish I had gone, at least once, by myself, to one or another of the bars and found what was actually there. Maybe I would have loved to suck an Asian cock, fuck an ass, get fucked by a small Asian cock. I don't know now, but sure do kick myself for not at least looking. On the flip side, I did get a bunch of Asian pussy and it was mostly good. But those memories......

Truly, is there anyone in the world interested in a blog I'd write? A 69-year old short fat man with no hope of dressing like a woman? An old short fat guy who has missed every opportunity to live the life he wanted to, but tried to be the normal, working, married, beer-drinking, meat-eating blue-collar guy like all his friends and pals. And who has some serious buyer's remorse for having lived the life expected but not the life he wanted.