Saturday I surprised my boyfriend with a henna tattoo on my but with his name. It read "property of Karl". He was happy and he decided to take me for a weekend trip to Candi Dasa.
It was the first time it took me anywhere. He rented a small villa because in hotels here transgenders are not really welcome.
It's already a few months we are together and I'm so grateful he chose me, he's a very dominant person and I'm very submissive, we are really a perfect match.
Lately he enjoys humiliating me, even in public. For example he forced me to walk around wearing only high heels sandals, a thong and a transparent baby doll while the house keeping was cleaning our villa. It's not like he really forces me, he just asks "with that expression in his eyes" and I can't say no, I just end up doing anything he asks me.
I'm a very shy person and it really hurts me when he humiliates me in public, this time I had to fight back tears while I walked in front of the house keepers practically naked to get him a beer in the kitchen and when I came back he said it wasn't cold enough and I had to take a new one. He kept finding excuses to send me out of the room.
But when the house keepers left I was very horny and I felt such a whore. It's like when he fisted me, it was a very painful experience and I bled a lot but every time I think about that I wish he would do it again. I don't know why but when pain and humiliation are involved I have very intense orgasms.
My best friend Jacky doesn't know anything about this, she met my boyfriend once and she thought he was too bossy with me because he kept asking me to do things for him like getting him a drink. If she knew the truth I'm sure she would get mad at me. But she's very nice, she helps me a lot now that I'm a full time transgender, if there wasn't her I don't think I could make it.
Anyway the weekend was fantastic and I hoped it would never end. We had sex in the garden, I never had sex outdoor before and I was very worried the neighbors could hear or even worse see us and he kept asking me to scream things like "it's so big", "I'm a whore" etc loudly.
Being at his service for two whole days made me feel very happy, sometimes I dream I could be his wife to serve and please him full time. Too bad I can only see him a few weekends a month.
I asked him if I could spend time with him in Jakarta but he said it's not possible for him to be seen around with me. I think he shies about me sometimes and I can't blame him, I'm fat and I can hardly pass for a real woman.
Some time ago I began taking hormones hoping to be more feminine but so far I didn't see much improvement, just my tits feel harder and more sensitive and they hurt sometimes but my body shape didn't change at all.
That's the main reason I never posted a picture here, there are so many sexy tgirls on NBN and I don't feel I'm worth to post my picture yet.

The day after Jacky called me early morning and asked me about my date. I told her I was happy but I lied a bit to her, she's such a proud person, I didn't want her to think I'm a whore. So I told her I had a romantic date, we had a few drinks in a nice and quite place, and then we went to his room at a nice hotel where we made love at candle light.
She told me I shouldn't call him and wait him to call me instead and she told me to call her as soon as I had news from him.
But then I called him immediately, I knew he could find hundreds of girls better than me if he just wanted and sure he wouldn't call me first.
At the phone he was nice, he gave me appointment again at the same cheap hotel (I hoped he would invite me in his room this time), he told me to go there in the evening get a room and wait for him.
I was very happy and excited and immediately called Jacky, I told her I was going to meet him and I asked her for help with my makeup.
Then I wanted to go buy something sexy to wear for him when I realized I was still wearing my hair extensions, nails and my eyebrows were trimmed... I didn't know what to do, if I went out during the day all my neighbors would see me.
I live in a sort of guest house, a cluster of small rooms with bathroom and kitchen and the landlord lives just near the entrance.
I'm sure if he ever sees me he would chase me out, especially his wife always peeps from the curtains.
So I called Jacky again and I asked for help, she picked me up with the car right in front of my door and we went to her place first where she helped me with my make up and then she accompanied me shopping.
She's such a nice person, she's really my best friend, the following week she found a new place for me with more friendly neighbors (mainly karaoke girls).
Well, anyway she also took me to a lingerie shop where I bought a very sexy night gown and a thong. I know I don't have a nice body and I'm overweight, I don't look very good naked so I hope if I wear something sexy I can distract him from my body...
Then Jacky insisted to send me to his hotel, I couldn't tell her the appointment was in a cheap place so I had her drop me in front of Sheraton and I pretended to go in... I was terrified the security would chase me out but nothing happened, as soon as she left I took a taxi and went to my appointment.
There I undressed, put my new gown on, thong, stockings and my stiletto sandals. Then I left the door unlocked, I sms him the room (the same as the night before) and I went on the bed looking for him.
The room was kind of dirty and I just hoped the stains on the bed sheets where just from the night before.
The he arrived, we had a chat and I told him I last night he made me the happiest girl in the world, that I knew I was ugly but that if he gave me a chance I would do anything he wanted and I was eager to learn how to please him in any way he wanted and he could do anything he wanted to me. He was very pleased of my words and he promised me he would meet me again the next weekend.
Then he got undressed and he gently pushed me on my knees and told me to suck his cock. I like to look at is cock from this position, I feel he's my master...
After a while he asked me to lie on the bed face down, he put some lubricant on my butt and then he pushed his cock inside me. This time almost didn't hurt and he immediately began pumping me hard, my ass is very sensitive and I began moaning immediately, then I could see him fucking me from the mirror on the wall and it made me very horny, I felt such a slut and I liked it.
This time he took him long time to come.
The night before my little dick was half hard and all I could feel was an intense pleasure from my ass. This time, while I was face down my dick got harder and it was rubbing on the bed sheet at every thrust so after a while I came, I was screaming in pleasure with my mouth on the pillow, afraid the hotel staff would hear me...
I had the strongest and most intense orgasm of my life while at the same time he kept pumping me... My ass became very sensitive and the pleasure was so intense I though I was gonna faint. I began begging him to stop and at the same time I was crying in pleasure. And the more I begged and the more he was fucking me harder and faster he was like an animal grunting and sweating.
Then, when thought I couldn't take it anymore he cum inside me.
I was covered in his sweat, I had goose bumps and chills running down my back and my ass was burning... I looked at my self in the mirror and I felt such a dirty whore. I don't know why but I really love to look at my self in a mirror while being fucked.
Since then, I had an orgasm almost every time I had sex with him. I meet him about 2-3 weekends a month and when he's not here I can think is his cock in my ass.
Sometimes I try to please my self with a cucumber or other similar objects but I just can't get the same pleasure. I think what gives me a such an intense orgasm is the idea of being used to please a man.

The first time I dressed in public was a few months ago when I had my first date with my boyfriend.
I met him in a chat room, he's an expatriate living in Jakarta and after meeting online regularly for a few times he asked me to meet in person at the condition I dress up. I was very happy but at the same time very worried, I never dressed in public, I didn't have any decent clothes to wear and my make-up skills were terrible.
I asked for help from Jacky. Jacky is a transsexual, she's older than me and she owns a beauty salon in Kuta. I never told her but I knew from the way she looked at me that she knew who I was.
So I went to her salon and when the staff was busy I told her my problem and I asked her for help.
She is a very nice lady, she accompanied me to the mall to buy nice clothes and shoes. I always felt very embarrassed to shop for lady's clothes, especially lingerie and shoes and I usually bought the first things I found hoping that the size would be right.
With her I felt more confident, I still felt very shy, but she helped me choose the right dresses and I took the time to try them. Then we went to buy some sexy lingerie and she helped me choose the ones right for my body... There were so many things I didn't know, I felt like a girl on my first school day. The thing I loved the most about that day was to buy new high heels sandals. The shop is full of nice shoes and every time I passed from there I wished I could buy them all but I just never dared to go in. That day I tried all the ones I liked and at the end I bought 4 pairs.
Then she sent me home and she gave me appointment for the Saturday morning at her salon to prepare me for my first date.
When I came back home I spent hours trying my new dresses and shoes, it was the happiest day of my life!!!
I spent the rest of the week practicing make-up and fantasizing about my date and about my first time with a man. I dreamed it would be a very romantic evening, then we would go to a nice hotel and there we would kiss and make love and how he would hold my hand while gently penetrating me.
When finally Saturday came I was over excited and over worried.
Again she was very nice to me, her staff was very kind and everybody did their best to make me feel comfortable.
She transformed me from head to toe, I got new acrylic nails, hair extensions, hair color, full body wax (ouch!) and make up. I even got my eyebrows trimmed.
I spend the whole day there and by the time she was done I couldn't recognize my self. I wasn't beautiful of course, but it was better than I thought, I felt really feminine.
I was still very worried about my date, I was afraid my makeup was a bit too heavy and high heels sandals and stockings would make me look a bit slutty... But my friend and everybody there kept telling me I looked great and sexy. They were really the nicest people ever and they even gave me a ride to my appointment (I was afraid taking a taxi dressed like that).
The appointment was in a club in Seminyak, I went inside and I ordered a drink. It took me a lot of courage to do that, I wanted Jacky to accompany me but my date insisted I must be alone.
At the beginning everything went fine, the waiter even called me "madam" making me blush... But then a group of kids at another table began making me unkind comments about me, I couldn't hear exactly what they where saying but they kept looking at me an laugh. The girls were especially mean and one of them called me a fat transvestite slut.
My date was late and I spent there the longest hour of my life, when he finally arrived I was very relieved but also very worried he wouldn't like me when he finally saw me in person.
He didn't came in, he just called me from the car and he asked me to meet him in the parking lot. I had my hearth beating super fast when I entered the car and there was a moment of silence that lasted forever.
He was different from the picture he sent me, he looked older, more macho and he smelled of sweat and alcohol. I asked him if he was disappointed and he replied he didn't know yet. I didn't know what to say and I didn't understand what he meant. But I was relieved, I thought that if he didn't like me he would have just asked me to leave the car.
Well, the rest of the night was nothing like I expected, he took me to a cheap hotel saying that his hotel wouldn't let me in and when we went in the room he made me suck his cock and after a while he pushed me face down on the bed and forced himself inside me.
It was very painful at first but then it began feeling good, he was fucking me very hard shaking me back and forth and I could see my self in the mirror completely at his mercy and I felt really horny. He was using me as he pleased and I began to moan and to beg him to fuck me harder. In that moment he owned me and never in my wildest dreams I thought it would feel so good.
I looked at my self in the mirror and I realized all I wanted was to be this man slut.
Then, after maybe half a hour, he pulled my hair very had and while screaming he came inside me.
When he took it his cock out I I sucked it a bit to taste of his cum, I was exhausted and I just wanted to cuddle on the bed with him till morning but he had to go back to his hotel quick so we parted with the promise to meet again the day after.
On the way back home the taxi driver kept staring at me through the mirror but I didn't care, I was the happiest girl in the world.
At home I went to bed without taking shower, I could feel his smell on me, his cum dripping down my legs and my ass was still very sensitive. I was so horny I couldn't sleep and masturbated 3 times.
That night opened my eyes, I wanted to be a girl full time and I realized I was a slut and all I wanted was to be used and abused.

I decided to start my blog as a diary about my M2F conversion.

What can I say about my self? Since I was very young I loved to dress up in my mom's or my sister's clothes. I also never felt attracted to girls and while in high school I had a crush for a older boy but I was too shy to even talk to him.

My first experience with a man was in the toilet of a club, I was a bit drunk and this guy came in, he spoke to me for a while and all of a sudden he asked me to suck his cock. I didn't like him, he was very rude but I didn't dare to say no. He took me one of the closets, he sat on the toilet, pushed me on my knees, took my head with both his hands and made me suck it. When he was done he just left and I never saw him again.

I felt really dirty but at the same time very horny. It was my first time and I was scared he wouldn't like it and when he came in my mouth I felt so happy and relieved and proud. I pleased a man like a real woman would do.

This episode changed my life, I realized how much I wanted to be woman and have a man to please.