... All those images swirling around in my young, uninducted mind had an interesting effect when coupled with the stories on the door. One in particular had a profound effect, it read like a young girl on her way from school who had wandered in there for some reason, gone into a stall and started getting off to all the images only to be burst in on by a well endowed man and guided to expose her tits and let them jerk off till they came all over her chest. It was quite obviously NOT a girl... but the thoughts began in my mind where I was that "girl"... and how far I'd go beyond that... I started to want that to happen, the thought of it got me nervous and excited, it felt so naughty but I wanted it all the more because of that feeling. It was then that I noticed the tissue that been "stuck" to the wall was now on the floor and in its place was a small hole.

The hole was smooth sided but small, curiosity bit me and I peeked through only to see an eye looking back... I jumped! Someone had seen what I was doing and panic started to take over, I quickly shoved the tissue back into the hole and froze like a deer in headlights. Who was it? What had they seen me doing? I'm going to get in so much trouble! It was then that I noticed a piece of paper on the floor and a pen, a note from whoever was on the other side of the wall... I was torn, confused... part of me wanted to read it and the other part wanted to run a mile... I made my choice and read it... I can't remember what was on it but it something along the lines of don't worry, keep going... I want to watch you wank off. I don't know why but after a few pass-unders of the note I ended up letting them see part of me no-one else had ever seen and doing things I'd never let anyone see before... not long after I finished I felt ashamed, excited, confused and turned on all the same time... I wanted more but the person next door had gone and the stall was empty... I suddenly felt more eyes watching me, I looked to the door and where the lock should have been the balled up paper that had been pushed into the gap was missing... replaced by an eye watching me... again panic leapt through me and I grabbed the tissue balls from the floor of the stall and pushed them into the slot again... I sorted myself out as fast as I could and hurriedly left the stall, eyes down to avoid the eyes watching me as I left...

I couldn't process what I felt, it was like an overload of emotions and feelings. A rollercoaster of sensations that pushed me to go further, to learn more about what I was feeling. A few days later walked home from college again and went back into the same stall...

TBC

I suppose now as a time as any to start this.

My life has been complicated from the first days I can remember.

As a child I was always trying to make other people happy, never really thinking of myself. My "others first" attitude and generally peaceful, submissive nature probably lead to alot of the bullying I recieved. I was verbally abused, punched, kicked and beaten up so often that I stopped feeling pretty much anything by the time I reached junior school and by the end of high-school I was almost like a Vulcan from Startrek... catatonic from time to time... that doesn't mean however that I didn't feel.

I felt... I felt worthless. I didn't believe any of the girls wanted me, I was an ugly, short, useless "swot". Not a person worthy of their attention. I even made the mistake of turning down the chance to dance at the high school prom with one of the girls I'd had a crush on since the day I first saw her because I believed she deserved more than me, better than me. Lisa was a stunning blonde with glasses who was taller than me but all I saw when I looked at her was a goddess worthy of someone far better than me. I suppose I could best be described as "emotionally dead" by that point... but I still felt the urges all people feel at that age. It was when I went to college I discovered a different side of myself.

I had never had much money so I used to walk the 5 miles each way to college and back every day. I wasn't complaining, it kept me slim and healthy and I didn't mind getting wet in the rain. I was just a normal everyday person as far as I knew back then. Until I got caught short on my way home and headed into a public toilet. It was a dingy, dirty looking place but I was desperate and it was the only public loo on that side of town. As I walked in I noticed two men in their 30's glance over at me and suddenly change their position slightly, I was too caught up in sorting out a biological need to think much about it and headed into the first stall that had loo paper in it. It wasn't until I sat down that I realised there was writing everywhere, and I do mean EVERYWHERE! On the walls and door were lots of short "messages" with phone numbers... there was also no lock on the door so I was hoping no-one walked in and started making some noise to let people know it was occupied because I couldn't think of anything else to do at the time, it wasn't like I was oing to be going anywhere for a few minutes... then I noticed the "art" and the longer stories that seemed to go with them... that was quite the eye opener to suddenly realise you're sitting in a public loos where men go to have gay sex! Especially when you were raised a strict Christian!!

TBC...