After living with my parents for several years I moved out and into a condo with a high school friend. This last just over a year. Then it was time for me to move out on my own. I rented a city apartment near where I worked and began what has become a 30 year and counting love affair with women's lingerie. I have never "purged" although I have gotten rid of things that no longer fit or got worn out.

I had a very regular routine. I would get home from work (in the corporate world) around 6PM. I would immediately get changed into a skirt and top. I would spend my evening dressed as Amanda making dinner watching tv. Around 10 pm every night I would strip down to the bra and panties I was wearing and settle in to look at shemale porn and jerk off. I would edge for an hour or so and when ready I would get ready for bed. In those days I always wore a bra and panties to bed. I loved the look and feel as I stoked my cock to climax all over my chest.

One evening I took the trash to the curb. There I found a box with several pairs of panties and bras. I knew from the tenants in the building that they belonged to the woman who lived down stairs from me. I was beside myself when I took all of them upstairs to try on. The bras were small but I managed to get them on. The panties fit better but they were also small. I must have jerked off in them a thousand times over the next few years. I would fantasize that she was standing there laughing at me as her boyfriend made fun of me. They would laugh about how my little cock fit in her panties and would make me beg to suck his cock. I would shoot loads of cum just thinking about this. So probably no surprise to anyone but my wife's real name is not Colleen. However the young lady downstairs was Colleen.

It was also during these years that I developed a real love for the local adult book stores (ABS). I would go on my day off. I always wore a pair of panties and carried the matching bra in the front of my pants. I would go and get an empty booth take off my shirt and put on the bra. I would just stand there in my bra and panties and I would let anyone who wanted to watch me masturbate. I still to this day love being watched in pretty lingerie. Two incidents of note while at the ABS. The first was early on. It was fall so I had on a grater belt and stockings in addition to my normal bra and panties. As I stood there jerking off the buddy booth glass turned from opaque to clear. There stood a very attractive woman behind her boyfriend. She had opened his pants to expose his cock. She stood behind him jerking him off as she stared at me in the booth next door. After a few minutes she whispered something in his ear and he climaxed. I was not far behind him. I tried to get dressed and have a conversation with them but they were gone very fast. The second incident was my very first cock in my mouth. As I sat in the booth in a matching bra and panty there appeared a cock in the glory hole. It was magnificent. Smooth and at least 8 inches semi erect. I had never done anything about all the cock that appeared but on this occasion I was super horny and it was an exceptional cock. So I got down on my knees and began to suck on it. Well I must have been awful as after a few seconds he pulled away. I often wondered what his cum would have taste like.

It was also during this time that I started going out dressed. I joined a local support group and went to several events for cross-dressers. I met so many wonderful people many of whom we are still friends with. This gave me the courage to try and find a sole mate. More on that next time.

So after I graduated from collage I moved into my first apartment with no roommates. There my obsession with lingerie really took off. I will never forget purchasing my first outfit. I went to the local Penny's department store. As I sorted through the racks of long satin gowns I came upon this most beautiful peignoir set set in white satin. It had a high neckline and the bodice was covered in lace. The dressing robe had short sheer sleeves and a tie just above the bust line. I was in heaven as I took it off the rack to try and gage the size when the sales lady came over and asked if she could help. I quickly looked at her and said I am not sure of the size. My girlfriend is about my height but we have only been dating for a few months so I really don't know her sizes. The clerk then asked how tall I was. When I said 5 foot 7 inches she said let's see how long this large is. Putting it on the counter she measured it for length and said I think this should fit just fine. With a smile I knew she understood it was for me and I turned bright red. She just giggled and told me not to be embarrassed as men bought lingerie all the time. I wore that set around the house and to bed for years until it was wore it out.

I lived on my own for a few years and bought all kinds of lingerie. One weekend after being engaged for 9 months to my collage sweet heart she came for the weekend. She kept pressing about being boarded with our sex life and I said well why not dress me in something pretty. I took out the peignoir set and handed it to her. She immediately called me sick and stormed out. I heard from her a few days later when she called off the engagement and gave me back the ring. Not sure what made me think she would accept Amanda but looking back on it I am glad it turned out the way it did. Believe it or not we are actually friends on Facebook now and we speak via text every once in a while. I am so happy with my wife who fully accepts Amanda for who she is a bisexual crossdressing sissy.

After a few years of living on my own I decided to change jobs and I moved back in with my parents. This was a dark time as Amanda went silent for 4 or 5 years.

After graduating from high school I went to a major state university. There was very little dressing my freshman year as I lived in an all male dorm and had a roommate. During my sophomore year however things changed. I moved to a co-ed dorm and discovered to joy of late night laundry. Most nights I would do my homework then hang out with friends. Smoking weed was a very popular activity with us and most nights I was one of a very few people still awake after midnight during the week. Stoned I would go down to the basement and into the laundry room. I was always surprised by the number of people who would leave their laundry overnight. Open the drier looking for panties, a bra or perhaps a slip I would find whatever I could and go to the bathroom down the hall. There I would take a stall and put on the evenings find. I was in heaven jerking off in pretty things. Here and there I would get walked in on but I would just sit still pretending to go to the bathroom until whomever left. I never did get caught.

One evening after putting on a bra and panties and doing my thing I went to bed. Twenty minutes later there was knock on the door. I answered and there stood the young lady whose bra and panties I had just jerked off in. She looked at me and said what did you do with my bra! She said it as if she knew I had put it on. I made up some story about putting her laundry on top of the drier so I could use it and suggested she look behind the drier as maybe it had fallen over the back. I was so excited and scared all at the same time. I stopped my routine for a few days but the excitement of almost being caught was so great I just had to start my little routine again.

This went on for all of my sophomore and junior years. In my senior year I moved to an apartment with my best friend. Finally a bedroom to myself. Of course I had been seeing a woman for a couple of years so dressing on the weekends was out but during the week I could wear a bra and panties to bed and masturbate to my hearts content. One weekend my girl friend went out of town with her parents and my room mate went home leaving me the apartment to myself. Off to the laundry room to do laundry. I will never forget the cute sheer lace baby blue bikini panties I found. I ran upstairs and put them on and climaxed in a matter of seconds. I wore them to bed the next two nights. When my then girlfriend came home she spent Sunday night at my place. When she made the bed in the morning she found the panties in the bed. She was so sure I was cheating on her. I made up a story about doing the laundry and that they must have been in the drier when I dried the sheets. She was skeptical but in the end she believed me and we never discussed it until I came out to her after getting engaged to be married. What a disaster that was.

After graduating from collage I got a job moved out into my very own apartment and my now decades long addiction to shopping for and wearing lingerie started. More on that next time.

After I discovered the sensations of satin and what it would do to my body I became addicted to wearing anything female. Most days I would get home from school and go into the bathroom. There on the back of the toilet I would find a pair of my mother's nylons. I would put them on and spend 15 to 20 minutes jerking off before climaxing. I was obsessed with trying on everything and anything I could find when ever I could get time alone. One of my favorites was my sister's one piece speedo bathing suit. I would put it on and my little cock would get instantly erect. Seeing the outline of my cock in the bathing suit would make me even more excited. Of course every time I dressed I would jerk off and climax. The more I dressed, the more I jerked off, the more I wanted to dress. I guess this cycle of excitement and reward was what made me a crossdresser.

Once or twice a year I would end up home for the day from school sick. I remember one particular day I was home alone and I started to look around through my mother's and sister's things for something new to try on. With no luck I went exploring the house and in the attic I found a clear plastic bag. It clearly contained something feminine as I could see white lace. I took the bag out of the attic and opened it to find a floor length hoop petticoat. The largest of the hoops was 5 feet across. It would be years before I realized that my mother was wearing the hoop petti in her wedding photo under her dress. I so loved wearing this petticoat. When I put it on my erect cock would disappear. I would put on one of my mothers bras fill the cups with socks and walk around pretending I was a real girl.

To confuse things even further my looking around for things to wear resulted in me finding my fathers hidden porn. He had books, magazines and even a few "stag films" which I would watch on his movie projector when I was home alone for the day. The things that raced through my head. Did I want to be the guy having sex or did I want to be the woman in her pretty lingerie? The day I discovered the movie with the lesbian scene I knew I wanted to be the pretty girl in her pretty lingerie.

As a 12 year old boy I had no idea what crossdressing was or what a transsexual was. I always thought I was the only person in the world that got excited wearing girl cloths. As a result I was deeply ashamed of what I was doing and did not want anyone to ever find out. This lead to one of my first fantasies. I would pretend that I had been caught wearing my sister's slip by the girls in the neighborhood. They would make me put on their panties and prance around in front of them and laugh at me. If I didn't do as they wanted they would tell everyone my little secret. I think that this fantasy is where my love for humiliation came from. I certainly know it contributed to my submissive nature.

All though junior high and high school I dressed when every I got the opportunity. I never told anyone and I was never caught. When I went to college next time.

My wife asked if I could upload a picture to this blog. So here is my attempt to do that.

[photo missing]

Hello to everyone and anyone reading this. My name is Amanda Carrol and I am a life long crossdresser. I started way back when I was 11 or 12 and I discovered my sister's satin mint green slip. It was a hot spring day and we were getting ready for school. I came out of the bedroom dressed in my favorite shorts and a tee shirt. My mother stopped me and told me I had to change into pants as the dress code forbid shorts. Not happy I pointed out that my sister was wearing a skirt. In my head they were the same length so what was the difference. My mother gave me a mother's smile and said only girls wear skirts and to go change.

That next fall I was home from school sick. Feeling slightly better in the heat of the early fall afternoon and knowing I would be home alone for a couple more hours I decided to see what was the big deal. Why couldn't I wear a skirt. I rummaged through my sister's things looking for a skirt with no luck. In the bottom draw of her dresser however I found her mint green satin slip. Once again the naivety of a 12 year old boy took over. Here was a dress I thought. No different than a skirt. Why not try it on. I quickly stripped down naked and slid the slip over my head. As the satin rubbed against my cock I got one of the first erections I can remember. (I am sure it was not the first). the sensation of the satin rubbing against the head of my cock was exhilarating. Soon I was making an exaggerated motion as I walked so that it would rub even more (My very first prance). After a few minutes of this I had what I am certain was my very first organism. I was so scared and yet so excited. I had made a real mess of her slip and was panicked. I remember rinsing it out in the bathroom sink and hoping it would dry before anyone noticed.

From that moment on I was obsessed with recreating that feeling. I started putting on anything and everything female trying to organism again. I would take a few months before I figured out how to jerk off and once I put the two things together (wearing pretty soft things and jerking off) I was hooked. I have never stopped dressing and likely never will.

This was decades ago. At the request of my wife Lady Colleen I will do my best to tell you the story of how I came to be where I am today.

Sissy Amanda Carrol